THE DAY I LOST MY HEAD
One afternoon, after walking into the house with some groceries, I noticed that my four-year-old had something tightly clasped in her hand.
When opening her sweaty palm, she showed me what appeared to be a small plastic doll that was wearing a white shirt with a pink skirt. However, it also seemed to be missing one minor detail---her head. When I asked my daughter what happened to the doll, she unapologetically said, “She lost her head somewhere, and I can’t find it.” Then, carefully folding the doll back into her hand and making a balled-up fist, she continued down the hallway, unphased that her toy was missing a somewhat important part of one’s anatomy.
Interestingly, I could relate to the plastic doll that had lost its head.
Just hours earlier, I was standing in the middle of my bedroom, hair unwashed and makeup going two days strong—okay, maybe four. But who’s counting when you don’t have to be somewhere that requires, say, deodorant and clean clothes? However, I landed in a grocery store that day because I had forgotten to get cilantro. So, of course, the small bag of cilantro turned into a full shopping cart of other items. Then, standing in the check-out line, a woman rolled her cart up right behind me. She stood with one hand on the cart and one holding a cup of what I can only assume was some healthy tonic, making her 6 feet tall without an ounce of body fat. The woman’s long blonde hair draped like silky ribbon over her shoulders, and her face was painted to near perfection. The proximity to such beauty caused me to become consciously aware that I, on the other hand, resembled something quite the contrary. Instead, I was wearing leggings that, in order to put on, required a certain level of acrobatic skill. Never mind that I was also wearing an oversized sweatshirt that I’ve had since 1998. Let’s also make no mention of the hair. I’ll just say that a hat could not redeem what was happening that day. More or less, this was definitely not my shining moment.
Amidst my daze, standing in the lengthy line, the woman looked at me and said, “Rough day?”
I think that her comment was more of a statement than a question.
To her, I must have looked like I had totally given up.
So, for the next twenty minutes, the poor girl was on the receiving end of my long explanation of how life was spiraling and not going as planned.
After my verbal vomiting and paying for my items, I walked out into the pouring rain towards the parking lot with my squeaky cart. Unfortunately, by the time I found my car, the paper bags were so wet that each one instantly ripped as I attempted to hold them. One by one, my groceries began to drop on the ground.
So, not only am I the girl who has consciously chosen to neglect all forms of good hygiene and has tried to fool herself into thinking she can wear leggings, but I am now also the girl currently chasing a can of beans down the hill of the parking lot.
Minutes later, I somehow managed to wrangle up the fallen items on the ground, along with the cart that thought it funny to also roll down the hill.
During the chaos, a car rolled next to me. It was the young woman who stood behind me in line.
Maybe she was here to help or at least provide some moral support.
Peeking her head out of the window, she said, “You should really use recyclable bags, and then you won’t have that problem.” Then, flinging her long hair back over her shoulder, she jetted off in her shiny Tesla. I stood there pathetically holding a few cans that I had folded up in my arms. I had nothing to say because the rain had washed away any level of self-dignity that I had left.
***Enter my daughter's head-less doll ***
As I had stared at the plastic doll in my daughter’s hand, the popular hashtag #livingmybestlife that I posted a few weeks ago seemed like a possible lapse in judgment for what should have been tagged as #justtryingtolive.
I could very quickly relate to my daughter’s doll because I felt like I had also lost my head somewhere between this morning’s hair debacle and the grocery store parking lot.
WHEN THE WORLD FEELS LIKE IT IS CAVING IN
It’s not uncommon to believe our lives are spinning out of control and to feel completely overwhelmed. Webster’s dictionary defines overwhelmed as “to be covered,” not to be confused with the kind of covering like, say, a soft blanket. Instead, imagine an avalanche tumbling down the hills, breaking trees, loosening boulders, capturing you in its path, and burying you deep beneath the surface, never to be found—that’s the kind of "covering” we are talking about.
Probably not quite as comforting as the soft blanket imagery, right?
At many points in our story, we will experience that unavoidable feeling of being overwhelmed. When we experience a little too much on the task list at one time, our brain has a hard time compartmentalizing those emotions. Instead, it sees a threat of scarcity—not enough time or capacity to get things done. And that’s when we either shut down and procrastinate, spiral in our emotions, or find ourselves catastrophizing the situation. You might be in that place right now—dealing with unemployment, navigating sickness, negotiating with your teenager daily, to drowning in work challenges. Then, just to add to that, you might also be tackling various tensions from racial injustice, global unrest, doctrinal differences, and why the kitchen can’t stay clean!
These things often deplete our emotional tank, consequently leaving us feeling overwhelmed—like we can’t handle it.
JESUS WAS OVERWHELMED
In facing moments of overwhelm, it's important to know that Jesus, too, experienced the same feeling.
Matthew 26:38 says, “The night before Jesus was executed, He cried out in the garden, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”
Scripture says that Jesus underwent such distress that his sweat turned to droplets of blood (Luke 22:44). Interestingly, studies have indicated that extreme levels of stress can lead to “hematidrosis,” a rare physical and/or psychological response where blood vessels burst from the built-up pressure and leak drops of blood. Knowing what Jesus was about to face in his imminent and gruesome death, we can understand His emotional and physical state of being overwhelmed.
The deep grief that Jesus experienced allows us to see that He is not absent from our present feelings of being overwhelmed. He understands in a way that most of us will never have to endure. But what is worth mentioning here is that Jesus acknowledged those emotions as opposed to reacting or dismissing them. So if Jesus was overwhelmed, then it’s perfectly acceptable to give ourselves permission to feel the same. Our anxious emotions are not the enemy. Instead, emotions act as a signal for us to address.
JESUS PRAYED
However, it’s also important to note that Jesus didn’t allow his feelings of being overwhelmed to dictate or alter his mission. In other words, He wasn’t at the mercy of His emotions. Instead, Jesus understood the power of going to the Father with His emotions.
In Matthew 26:39 it says that while
“Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed."
Jesus understood what it meant to patiently hold a certain level of anxiety and fear because, ultimately, He knew it had no power over Him. After all, Jesus would defeat death. This understanding changes how we approach worries because we can trust the one who has conquered it all!
Jesus also knew that He wasn't holding any of these emotions alone. So He came to His Father in that difficult moment, which indicated that He knew that He was not alone (John 16:32).
The same is true for us---we do not need to hold our feelings as though they have complete power over us because we have a Father who can hold it all.
JESUS ENTRUSTED HIMSELF TO HIS FATHER
Not only did Jesus acknowledge His emotions and pray to His father, but in Matthew 26:42 it says,
“He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
In His final words, Jesus submits to the will of His Father and concedes to the altar of sacrifice. He allowed His emotions to have a place, but He also said yes to trusting His Father in the same breath. He said yes to what He was about to experience because of His love for humanity. I believe that it is possible to hold difficult emotions and yet still entrust ourselves to God's purposes. In fact, when we entrust ourselves to the Father, He shows us how to hold our anxieties and fears.
Although God gives comfort when we are overwhelmed, He also gives wisdom and direction on addressing worries (i.e., counsel, meditation, reading the Bible, etc.). Jesus said yes to the Father, and I believe that we can also say yes to all the unknowns and difficult situations amid our fears and worries because we have a God we can trust. Therefore, don't allow your emotions to dictate what God has purposed for you. Instead, lean into the process of uncomfortability and trust Him with your fears and anxieties.
WHEN MY HEART IS OVERWHELMED, I CAN TRUST THAT HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD
An important part of facing difficult emotions is undertstanding that Scripture doesn't say that we might possibly have trouble, but instead it says that we will have trouble.
John 16:33 says,
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Before the crucifixion of Jesus, he offers his disciples the gift of peace through Him. That offer still stands. Unfortunately, we often deny ourselves this perfect peace and exchange it for something self-made that does not ultimately sustain itself. Although this verse signals an invitation for peace, this word is also sitting next to the word "trouble." That seems like a paradox.
Interestingly, Jesus tells us that peace and trials coexist. Yet, how can one feel peace amidst troubles? Peace is not the absence of trials and problems (Luke 12:51-53; John 14:27, 16:32, 33). Nor is peace simply a feeling or mental state of mind. On the contrary, peace is the reconciliation of our trials within the promise of peace that Christ made available through His death and resurrection. Ultimately, then, true peace resides in a person--in Jesus (Eph 2:14). He is the Prince of Peace (Isa 9:6; Zec 9:9,10; Luke 1:67-69, 2:14). Jesus ushered in God's reign of peace for all those who have bowed the knee to His Lordship. Enmity with God has ended; we are at peace with Him because Christ has paid for our sins and reconciled us to God. Peace, then, is living in the knowledge that we are accepted and loved by God regardless of our circumstances. He is for us. He has us.
When Jesus said, "I have overcome the world," He was about to be arrested and tried. He spoke prophetically about what He already knew to be true---He would conquer death! He would defeat sin and Satan! He would endure the worst that evil men could do to Him. He would rise from the dead. He would claim victory over death and hell. And because He has overcome, we don't have to live in a constant state of overwhelm. We can face trials and simultaneously have His peace because we know the end of the story---Jesus defeats death and OVERCOMES the world! This statement that Jesus makes changes our narrative. We don't have to live under the pretense of doom; instead, His bodily presence at the resurrection gives us eternal hope.
So let me ask you this: Do you feel like the plastic doll who has lost its head?
If you are in that place right now where things are stacking up, the world feels out of control, and where you feel completely overwhelmed, you can take heart in His perfect peace because HE has overcome the world!
QUESTIONS TO PONDER:
Where in your life are you feeling overwhelmed?
How do you typically respond to your emotions? (i.e., lash out, retreat, stand in front of the fridge 20x's a day hoping to find answers, binge watch 17 seasons of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix over a weekend, or become passive-aggressive)
Do you believe that emotions often betray you and/or signal something to you? Explain.
What did the story of Jesus in the garden reveal to you about dealing with anxiety or fear?
What does it mean to you to know that Jesus has overcome the world? How does that change your perspective in times of being overwhelmed?
BIBLE VERSE TO MEMORIZE:
“When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I” (Psalm 61:2).
RESPOND:
Here are five actions steps to take this week of how to overcome when you feel overwhelmed:
Know your terms and triggers to your emotions/feelings: First, know the difference between the terms of emotions and feelings. Although we often use them interchangeably and although they do have interconnectedness, they are not actually the same thing. "Emotions" are manifested consciously or subconsciously and originate as sensations in the body. It's the raw data of our present situation. On the other hand, "feelings" are experienced consciously. Feelings are influenced by our emotions but stem from our thoughts. They can be biased and not always an objective truth of the situation. Second, it's essential to recognize the signs and trigger warnings when overwhelming emotions and feelings tend to reveal themselves. You can't fully predict or schedule when emotions will surface. However, you might be able to identify triggers by observing behavior patterns. Look at your environment and daily routine. Identify and write down the signals or the antecedent to what you are experiencing. This approach can help you learn how to better prepare and prime yourself for how to respond to the situation.
Acknowledge your emotions: Instead of reacting or suppressing your emotions, confront your emotions. Moreover, when experiencing anxiety, don't try to run away, react, or do nothing with those emotions. When you get overwhelmed, slow down, feel your body, and name what is causing you to be anxious (this is the "name it to tame it" approach). Acknowledge that whatever you are experiencing is metaphorically "standing in the room," which must be addressed. You may be surprised that you have multiple emotions in one episode, which is why you need time to label and observe what is happening within you. You can't fully process what you fail to recognize in yourself.
Accept your emotions: Not only do we acknowledge our emotions, but we need to own what we are feeling and give them a place in our lives. Feelings and emotions are not the enemy; they are an important part of who we are. When we give space for emotions and feelings to be identified, we can adequately respond to those emotions in a healthier way.
Give time to your emotions: Allow your feelings to ride the wave of emotion. Our emotions tend to be like the tide, so we honor our feelings and the people around us when we give ourselves the time needed to recover before we respond. If we don't pause, we are often prone to lash out or retreat in isolation. Instead, pray, take a breath, pause, go on a walk, get counseling, or talk with a friend. Let your brain and nerves recover from the emotional overhaul before doing anything rash. Giving ourselves time allows us to develop an emotional sensitivity and awareness to what we feel, so that we can prevent reactivity and false narratives.
Respond to your emotions: After seeking God in prayer, getting advice or counsel, or taking a walk, discern how to best respond to the situation. Think it through. What needs a response in your life right now that you've emotionally worked through? Do you need to have a conversation with someone to repair things? Have you put something on the backburner that you need to get done? Do you need to launch into the things God has asked of you? Do you need to set healthy boundaries in a relationship? Do you need to minimize your schedule that is stressing you out? When we know our triggers, acknowledge, accept and let time pass with our emotions, we have the clarity on how to best respond to what is in front of us.
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