Stacia Lowe
They say, “It takes a village.”
The origin of the phrase is said to have come from an ancient African proverb where they believed that for a child to develop and become successful, it would require the involvement and participation of the whole community--a village. I wonder if a mother coined the proverb. Maybe she had many children and knew she couldn't get everything done. Perhaps her husband was out in the fields all day or a hunter gone for extended periods working hard to provide for his family. Possibly she was a single mother who needed extra help.
In my own experience, a village is indeed what it takes to raise my four boys. It makes me smile to think about the Sundays we visit my parents' church, where I grew up with a faith family I’ve known my entire life.
I watch my boys running around in the gym with their friends from AWANA, usually playing tag or catch.
However, occasionally my kids go missing from my line of sight.
They’re probably up on the balcony, I think to myself, trying to do a basketball trick shot from behind the hoop at the second story level. They’re either contemplating sliding down the banister or jumping over the railing.
“Boys? If you can hear my voice, make good choices!”
Even when I don’t see where they’re playing, I can always trust that at least a few of my other mom friends from church have an eye on them along with their own children. That’s just what we do. As an added security measure, we keep an eye on each other’s kids, because it takes a village.
Our western culture has changed from the way it used to be. Then, it was much more common to have multi-generational families living in the home. Fathers worked in the fields, mothers worked hard on the homestead, while the grandmothers watched the children and helped with their schooling. Everyone had a role in sustaining the family.
Although I'm mothering in a much different time in history, I feel blessed to have experienced the beauty of my own village.
What I Found Standing Alone
It had only been days after my first husband left me. I remember facing the heavy reality of being a single mom to a seven month old baby and what that would look like. I would have to clean the house, make the meals, pay the bills, kills the spiders, investigate strange noises to protect the home...alone. At the time, the most devastating truth was that I would be the sole financial provider for our little family of two, which meant I would have to go back to my full-time job. It felt like the dream of being a stay-at-home mother had been shattered. Instead, someone else would need to take care of my baby, and I would miss out on so much of his growing up. Someone would need to work to afford rent, groceries, and all the other necessities of motherhood... clothes, baby food, diapers. And that someone was me.
The encouraging words, "You can, and you will do it without him," from my mentor so many years ago are still vivid in my memory. When I thought I couldn’t live without my husband, she reassured me that God is bigger than what feels right now like a debilitating loss. She’s an example of one of the mothers in my village who supported me during those seemingly impossible days, months, and years. So many others like her poured into my life with words of faith, hope, and love. As a result, it allowed me to pour into my son with those same qualities.
Looking back on those first years of motherhood, when I was alone, I can now see in hindsight God’s gracious sovereignty at work in that I wasn't standing alone at all. Wouldn't it be so nice if we didn't have to wait so long for hindsight to provide clarity? What the enemy meant for evil, God worked out for my good and the good of my child.
“And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 ESV
For the first five years of my oldest son’s life, while I was a single mother working full time, my mom was the primary caregiver to my son. (Grandpa helped more once the baby was out of diapers!) I would drop him off on my way to the office, and then after work, I’d go straight to my folks’ house to be reunited with my baby love. We’d stay for dinner some nights, and we’d even sleep over other nights.
The days they spent together created a special bond between Grandma and Grandson. I often missed out on mornings going to the library and weekly beach days during the summer, but her influence on my son over the years was well worth it. Eleven years later, he still looks forward to visiting Grandma’s house… and all her snacks!
What We Can Find Standing Together
My mother’s relationship in my son’s life reminds me of a woman from the Bible that I like to think had a close connection throughout her grandson’s growing up years: Lois and Timothy, grandmother and grandson.
Paul expresses his heartfelt care for the young man he loved as a son. In his letter, he mentions Lois and Eunice, giving them credit for the faith he now sees in Timothy.
“To Timothy, my beloved child: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” 2 Timothy 1:3-5 ESV
It is evident that Paul considered Timothy his family. Timothy played a significant part in the growth of the early church. He and Paul shared in ministry together, spreading the truth of eternal salvation through Jesus Christ. Paul intentionally pointed out Timothy’s mother and grandmother in their role in raising him in faith, so as much as to call them both by name.
If you think about it, wouldn’t these two mothers have played just as significant a role in the early church’s development by their part in raising Timothy to be the man he was?
Paul’s relationship with Timothy would have been as a mentor or spiritual father in the faith. This faith that Timothy grew up in would have initially been grounded in the knowledge of the God of the Israelites, as his mother was a Jewish woman. Eventually, in Timothy’s childhood, the family would have learned about Jesus’ death and resurrection, believing he was the Messiah they had learned about from Scripture. We know this because the book of Acts says that Timothy was a disciple of Jesus.
“Paul came also to Derbe and to Lystra. A disciple was there, named Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer, but his father was a Greek. He was well spoken of by the brothers at Lystra and Iconium. Paul wanted Timothy to accompany him, and he took him and circumcised him because of the Jews who were in those places, for they all knew that his father was Greek.” Acts 16:1-3 ESV
The name Timothy means “Honoring God,” so, although he had a Gentile father, it’s evident that his mother's and grandmother's faith became the spiritual foundation in Timothy’s upbringing from the beginning. Their influence and training eventually led Timothy to faith in the Messiah, Jesus Christ, which became the catalyst for future ministry. Paul circumcised Timothy, even after it was necessary to do so because of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. Timothy did this to demonstrate allegiance to his heavenly Father over his earthly father, since the Jews in the area knew he had a father who was Greek. We know that Lois and Eunice both had a sincere faith that was adopted by Timothy. I imagine Lois’s faith influenced many generations to come.
“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:14-15 ESV
Just like Lois and Eunice, think about what kind of effect our faith in Jesus will have on our children and grandchildren! The faith you model and teach matters. Whether you are a mother, grandmother, spiritual mother, or the aunt, think about what kind of faith you are weaving into each life God has placed in front of you. So let’s be strong mothers, spiritually training our children and grandchildren to be strong in their faith, despite whatever conflicts and roadblocks we run into on the journey. The village we surround ourselves with can help point the next generations to eternity with Jesus!
Let's be a village to those around us!
Questions to Ponder:
What does your "village" look like? Who are the people in your story that are disciple-makers in your kid's life?
What keeps you from reaching out to get help or even expanding your village?
If you were to describe what you are looking for as disciple-makers in your child's life, what would that entail? Once you make that list, start praying over it and ask God to bring spiritual influencers into their life.
Who are you "mothering" or discipling in your life? If you have kids or don't have kids, are you a grandma, friend, aunt, or cousin willing to invest in the lives of those families who need you to pour spiritual truth into their lives? Sometimes, it's ministering to their kids, and other times, it's about ministering to the parents. Write those names down and ask God to give you discernment and wisdom on how you can pray and make a difference in those around you.
Stacia and her husband Adam have been married for ten years and together share a blended family with their four sons. Stacia is an accounting consultant for several small businesses and a published author. She is passionate about writing God’s stories of hope and redemption. A few of her favorite things to do are living room dance parties with her boys, movie nights with her hubby, and knitting…lots and lots of knitting! You can find her at Knits 'n Novels or follow her on social media @stacia.writes or @stacialowe.
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