Angie Hilker
How brave of a parent are you?
Let's see how brave you think you are after reading about these mothers from around the world.
Did you know that parents in Japan allow their seven-year-old and even four-year-old children to ride the subway by themselves? Parents feel that giving kids this kind of independence will enable children to develop skills significant to their development. I'm just going to assume that somebody would call Child Protective Services if you did that here. However, can you imagine sending your five-year-old by themselves on a subway?
In Scandinavian countries, parents believe that children need "open-air living." So parents will leave their strollers outside and let their babies nap, even at sub-zero temperatures, to ensure that children develop this healthy habit.
Did you also know that some children in China have to journey to school for over 5 hours into the mountains, walking on a high 1-foot narrow ledge with a steep drop-off? How confident would you feel allowing your children to do this?
Although our experiences and expectations are slightly different in America, I wonder if we couldn't learn something from these mothers from across the globe about the skill of teaching bravery and the value of allowing our children to take risk.
From a different part of the world and at an altogether different time, there is a story about a mother who taught her children to be brave by living bravely herself.
INTO THE WATER
Motherhood Models Bravery
Now the king who led Egypt at the time did not know Yahweh (Exod 1:8). This Pharaoh was oppressive and enslaved the Hebrew people. Because of the increasing number of Hebrew people, Pharaoh, worried that he might lose control, instituted a decree to kill all Hebrew baby boys.
Despite the decree, one of the Hebrew families, Amram and Jochebed, did not concede to this Egyptian mandate. After giving birth to Moses, Jochebed believed that their son was special and decided to defy the rule.
As a result, they hid Moses for three months from the Egyptian authorities. And when they could no longer hide Moses, Jochebed wove together a basket made of bullrushes, tar and pitch.
As Jochebed bravely placed her son into the water, as an act of great faith, she modeled for her children what it looked like to not shrink back but instead walk bravely into scary things. Notice that it wasn’t about what she instructed, as much as it was about what she modeled for her children. Think about Miriam, who watched her mother place Moses inside the little ark, where she then allowed the water to carry him along dangerous waters. In moments like that, Jochebed acted in faith by modeling bravery for her children.
Children learn from what they see in us. Our fears, worries, and insecurities that we carry have the means to pull our children into the same struggles. What we model and speak over our children will become their inner voice. When we exercise a spirit of fear, we are cultivating something within our children that tells them that this is how we deal with difficult things—we run away, get upset, shut down, and stall in the things God has asked us to do. It’s not about disguising or hiding our fears. Instead, it’s about showing our kids how to face fear. When we walk bravely into unknown situations, we allow them to see what it looks like to do difficult things. If we model a life that is defeated, unworthy, insignificant, or without hope for the future, then how will they see their future? Think about what you are inscribing on their hearts by what you model in front of them.
Show them what it means to scale high mountains, walk rugged terrains, and swim against the stormy waves of life. Model a brave life so that they can know what it means to live a brave life for themselves.
OUT OF THE WATER
Motherhood Bravely Learns to Let Go
At a certain point in Jochebed’s story, we see that there came a moment when she could no longer hide him. All the efforts that she had made no longer worked. Jochebed would have to let go of her worries and fears and give Moses entirely to the Father. Unmoved by her decision, Jochebed was able to release and let go of Moses and place him in the Nile River because she knew that she could trust the Lord, regardless of the outcome.
Soon, Moses was pulled out of the water from Pharaoh's daughter and through God's providence was saved. Not only did she have to let go of Moses a first time by placing him in the Nile, but she had to let him go a second time after he was weaned and watch the Pharaoh's daughter raise him as her own.
Western society has worked hard to create a “safe” culture for our children. I remember the days when we sat in the bed of the truck without a care in the world, and now it seems like kids are sitting in booster seats till their teens! We want to protect our kids, so we baby-proof every part of their lives, from friends, to school, to church, to community.
To a certain extent, protection is a good thing. We see this with Jochebed, who kept baby Moses safe for three months. However, keeping our kids from experiencing uncomfortable emotions, controversial topics, and relational conflict hinders them from learning how to cope and confront adversity.
Instead, if we are releasing our children to God, we need to allow our kids to face trials and embrace the reality that they will make mistakes and have to deal with consequences. Your job is not to get ahead of everything they might experience, say, or do. Instead, it’s okay to allow them to feel the weight of their decisions and the pain of adversity. Although all of Jochebed’s children became leaders, Scripture also indicates how each one faced hard things and often made mistakes. For example, Miriam and Aaron spoke out against Moses. Then, Aaron instructed the people to make an idol for the people to worship. Moses failed to obey God at Meribah. They made mistakes, they had consequences. It's hard. It's painful. And yet, they got through it, stronger people than before.
The reality is this: We don’t need to get ahead of what God is already doing in front of us.
My children do not need me to save them from every conflict, upset, or failure. If we walk through life trying to protect them from every hurt, then they won’t be able to experience dependency and assurance in the One who ultimately saves.
I have seen my children stumble along, fall behind, and shrink back, but I’ve also seen them get back up, run ahead, and rise above challenges.
Maya Angelo said,
"A mother's love liberates."
When we let go and allow them to struggle, face hard things, and confront their inner battles, we give them the gift of "becoming" and the skill-set for bravery.
You aren’t looking for your kids to borrow your God—your faith. Instead, you want them to own it! The way you do that is by modeling, guiding and then ultimately letting go and allowing God to move within them as they face mistakes, confront fears, take different paths, and figure out who they are in Christ.
THROUGH THE WATER
Motherhood Bravely Cultivates a “Victory” Mindset
Before Jochebed ever defied the mandate or hid Moses and placed him into the Nile, she believed God had already ordained something within and through him. She was choosing to walk bravely with a “victory” mindset, without knowing how his life would unfold for him or her people.
Do we mother our children with the belief and hope that a victory is coming for them? When our kids face relational conflict, difficulty in learning, or struggle with anxiety, we need to have hope of God's goodness in their lives. What would have happened had Jochebed not believed that something was special about Moses and chose not to place him in the Nile? Jochebed had to set aside any doubt, reservations, or fear because of her hope and obedience to God. She was willing to patiently walk through the deep waters of confusion, disappointment, and potential grief because she held to the truth that a victory was coming.
The same is true for us as mothers.
When our kids aren't progressing in the way we had imagined, we have to remember that maintaining a victory perspective means cultivating a mindset of patience and endurance.
It would be 80 years before Moses approached Pharaoh and delivered the people from slavery. Whether or not Jochebed and Amram saw the evidence of their children's lives unfold to completion, we know that their belief in God and prayers were not in vain. God had brought three children from her womb, who became prominent leaders in the Exodus of the Hebrew people. However, all their stories of what God was doing in them would take time and patience.
Similarly, we may or may not see the fruit of what we prayed for within our children’s lives in our lifetime, but that doesn’t mean their story is over yet. So, keep praying, learn to be patient, and never lose hope.
To get our children through the stormy seas of life, you need to allow them to bravely step into the waves and believe that God has them.
Every next step that Moses took was preceded by a mother's act of bravery. Jochebed believed that even in the dark times surrounding her people, God was already at work.
As mothers, we can exercise bravery in what lies before us, confident that a victory is coming!
Questions to Ponder:
What places in your life do you model fear? Bravery? How has that impacted you and your kids?
Can you think of one way you try to “get ahead” of the possible hurts, problems, pain, and adversity for your kids? What could you be causing them to miss about who God is amid obstacles? What does entrusting your kids to God look like on a typical day? (Sometimes we think too broadly about this, but I want you to think small, ordinary minutes of the day and how distrust in God’s protective hand over our kids sabotages what He is trying to do in their lives.)
Do you believe a victory is coming for your child? What have you been telling yourself that negates a victory mindset? What do you need to declare today over your children that communicates “victory”?
Comments